Easy Survival Tips for Living with a 12-Year Old Boy July 1, 2023 By Bekki 19 Comments This content may contain affiliate links. Inside: The secret to surviving life with your hormonal 12-year old boy and 3 must reads if you’re raising boys. {PLUS Free Raising Sons Cheatsheet} My 12-year old boy almost died today. That’s right, I almost killed him. If you just sucked in all your breath thinking, “How can she say that?” then I can tell you’ve never had a 12-year-old boy, or your sweet sons are under the age of ten. Now, of course, I would never harm my children. They are precious gifts from the Lord on High, however, that doesn’t stop them from: fighting arguing rolling their eyes huffing and puffing back-talking second-guessing everything testing the limits of my love & patience Lacking self-control 12- year old boys are at a funny age. As a mom of five sons, I would testify in a court of law that nothing tests a mom more than a 12-year-old boy. Seriously, Nothing. Do you have a hormonal 12-year-old boy (maybe 11-14)? Are you at your wit’s end with that hormonal pre-man? Have you been searching for a way to reach his heart and pull him safely through the adolescent gauntlet that taunts him day and night? Scientists say 12-year old boys are the worst. It’s not easy being a 12-year-old boy. This stage is, hands-down, one of the most awkward ages and stages of growing up. But new evidence shows it’s not just the embarrassing pangs of puberty that are affecting these boys. Research says the brain changes that prompt impulsive decision-making (which we often associate with the later teen years) actually occurs much earlier, like around 12 years old (go ahead parents, take a gulp). These factors combined make parenting 12-year-old boys an especially challenging task, and one not for the weary. ~Julie Andrews, The Loop I’ve certainly conducted my own science experiment by giving birth to and then raising five sons. Yep. It’s bad. Before you panic, go pop a bag of popcorn. Not that store bought microwave stuff. 1. Make Homemade Popcorn in a Brown Paper Bag Open a brown bag and add a little oil (or spray with a healthy cooking spray. Yes, you can make your own) Add about 1/4 c. of your favorite popcorn kernels. Fold the bag with half-inch folds three times. Make a staple tear. It’s old school, but it works. Check it out here Microwave popcorn for 2-3 minutes, listening for the popping to slow Trust me, it’s better than Pop Secret or Orville. 2. Watch Captain America Together. You don’t even have to watch the whole movie, just a single scene. The one where the wimpy Captain Rogers is transformed into Captain America. Explain to your son, “this is EXACTLY what you are going through right now. You are the “pre-captain”, being pumped full of hormones that will transform you into being the man you are destined to be. It will hurt. You will be in pain. But so will the rest of us watching you. Son… you will come through the other side. Just like Cap.” Mom and dad, your job is to help your son through this “gauntlet of change”. While the hormonal gauntlet is incredibly emotional, dangerous and challenging, you can set some definite boundaries. That’s why this clip is so great. You can watch it on Netflix, or buy your own copy. With five sons, we own this one. 3 Lessons from Captain America for Your 12- year old Son 1. Attitude is everything. Cap enters that machine with eagerness. He’s confident that he can persevere. He accepts that there is no other way. 2. Don’t use excuses. Not when you’re scared. Or when you’re in pain. Especially when sparks fly. 3. NEVER quit. Yes, he is physically alone in that machine and no one can see what he is really going through. But he never quits. It hurts; but he never quits. People are scared for him; but he never quits. 3 SECRET Tips for Mom from Captain America for Loving on your 12-year Old Boy Just like the woman in the scene, we moms want the pain, confusion, and torment to stop. We cry out, “STOP!” But there is a better way, if we can pause long enough to see it. 1. Choose Fear or trust Things explode Objects break Accept the truth: we can’t stop the transformation. And we shouldn’t 2. See the value This hormonal gauntlet is necessary to “fire and test” our sons. It is their first real chance to hold their ground, look life in the eyes, and press through pain. Like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon, they need to do most of the work themselves. If we “help” too much, we actually cause them harm. 3. Breathe Realize it’s worth it. In the end, Captain America comes out the other side triumphantly. With the right mindset and encouragement from you, so will your son. He will go into this stage a gawky, awkward, confused, emotional pre-teen and come out the other side, A man. Strong, resilient, courageous, integris, dependable, responsible, and valiant man. 4 Must Apply “Lessons for Dad” from Captain America 1. Believe in your son. 2. Be close by but don’t “save” him. Let him struggle, sweat, and face his season of life. But reassure him often that he’s not alone. 3. Do not give empty compliments. Show him you see and respect any and all wise choices that he makes, quietly acknowledge that you are proud of him and then move on. He needs to be seen, but not puffed up. 4. Enjoy the journey with him. Watch this video clip. Study the scene closely to see characters that remind you, your son, and your husband in the clip. Then… Watch it with your son. Mama, don’t despair He can make it through his transformation alive. Although, it may not be fun for either of you. You can make it together. 6 Practical Ways to Survive Living with a 12-year old boy Breathe. Pray often and pray hard. Trust the Lord. If you are married, trust your husband’s instincts in regards to your son. This is not the time to coddle him. Love him, yes. Coddle him? NO. Work that boy! Make sure he sweats daily. Forget what society says and hand that boy a shovel. If you do not have a yard big enough to keep him busy, lend him out to the neighbors or your local nursing home. (Obviously use discretion, but someone always needs help in their yard. Who knows? Maybe he’ll earn a few dollars as well). Above all, give him purpose. He needs jobs to run and lead. Boys need to know they make a difference. Hang in there! 3 Must-Reads if You’re Raising Sons First. Mother and Son: The Respect Effect One of the homeschool moms on our email list suggested this book to me last year as I confessed dreading the next gauntlet. I was standing between an 11 and 13-year-old son facing a Super-Charge Gauntlet of hormones and I quickly borrowed a copy from the library. But the 3rd page, I ordered my own copy from Amazon. It really is groundbreaking for moms with sons, like us and I highly suggest you getting your hands on a copy. Second. Wild at Heart Every man was once a boy. He dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. All of my sons read Wild at Heart until it fell apart. However, it wasn’t until I read it myself that my eyes were opened the the heart of man. Third. Captivating Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty. Somewhere between 13-16- years-old, the boys read the counterpart to Wild at Heart, called Captivating. Boys and men need to understand a woman’s heart. This book makes it easy to understand how different they are from girls/women. Meanwhile, look at your son and smile. Yes, even when he is crazy, explosive, weepy, eye-rolling, and confused. I promise, this stage will pass. Although it may feel like an eternity for a bit. There will be days that you want to throw in the towel, send him to military school, or hide in a closet. We ALL have those days. But, don’t despair. You and your son can make it through this gauntlet. All you need is a plan, a copy of Captain America and a big bowl of popcorn! Related: A FREE Raising Sons Cheatsheet. More help! 5 Hands-on Hobbies for Your Sons That Will Make Your Heart Race We Deprive Our Sons On Purpose Decoding Boys: Raising Sons Can be Scary for Mom Training Up Sons to Be GREAT Dads and Husbands in the FUTURE
Alyssa says October 1, 2016 at 2:10 am My son tends to want to be lazy how do you get past that? Reply
Bekki says October 1, 2016 at 3:53 pm Great question.I have been praying for you since yesterday and I have a few things on my heart to share with you. I'm going to message you on fb:). Reply
Stephanie says January 10, 2017 at 9:44 pm I think a lot of moms would like to hear your remarks on a lazy boy. I know I would. 😁 Thanks for this post. I have one boy – my oldest – who just turned 13. We’ve always struggled, but NOTHING like we’ve done this past year. I think as I ask God for wisdom and I admit my failures and don’t just point out my son’s, AND the fact that he’s growing, I’m starting to see my sweet boy again. But, ooooh, it’s been a struggle. Reply
Bekki says January 11, 2017 at 5:28 am Hang in there mama! I think it’s as hard for them as it is for us. One second they feel like an 8-year-old wanting to play Legos, the next second they feel like a man desiring to conquer Everest. It’s a very challenging and confusing age for them. In our home, confusion has always been the root source of many, many, many issues with our sons. Confusion has a way of pricking their pride, and pride does not like to be challenged. Reply
Audrey Thomas says March 21, 2018 at 12:01 pm I needed this today! I have one son who just turned thirteen and another who will be thirteen in a couple of months (they are adopted). They make me frequently want to hide in my bedroom, but I don’t think the house would survive that. It is a tough age. I also have a daughter who will be sixteen in a month and a half…getting her driver’s license next week! Prayers are needed daily. Thank you for this post. 😊 Reply
Bekki says March 21, 2018 at 12:32 pm The battle is real and you’re not alone! Hang in there:). Reply
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