Letting Teens Go Too Soon= Disaster December 13, 2018 By Bekki 7 Comments This content may contain affiliate links. By the time our kids reach high school, we can bend to the pressure to “let them go” and “cut the cords”. photo by Erik Scheel Teenagers need the help, guidance, and strength of their parents even more than toddlers do. The transition from middle- schooler to adulthood is like running a medieval gauntlet. While some kids skate through their adolescence unscathed, many need extra care and attention. Unfortunately, we do not get to pick and choose which kids need extra help, and which ones do not. We need to “go the distance” with each and every child and teen. Our job does not slow down when our kids hit high school, actually, this is when the real “fun” begins. Truth’s About Parenting and Teaching Teens This is not the time to loosen the reigns. Honestly, adolescence is the time when kids really buck against authority, but should not be the time we let go. With the crazy flooding of hormones, teen brains can really struggle with rational thought and emotion. They need us desperately. Letting them make their own mistakes in their own educational journey should not mean we “Let Them Utterly Fail”. While we cannot complete their homework assignments for them, we need to stay on top of our teens. Some students flourish during this time and become “Captain of their Own Destinies”- even conquering the world. But, many students put on a realistic smoke screen that implies that they have the world by the tail, but are drowning in the amount of responsibility and work required in their life. By the time parents become aware of the fact that their students are struggling, they are facing a mountain of makeup work. Not fun on any continent. What does this mean? We stay on top of our kids. Continue to monitor their eating and sleeping habits. Maintain (or regain) parental control over things like tv and screen time so that we help them learn to manage these time-vacuum activities. While each family establishes what is acceptable to them, parents should be in control. Many teens need us to be firm over these things so they can safely flourish. Not doing acceptably in school should dictate less “fun time” with technology, social media, and texting. Be willing to go the distance WITH our kids. Are they struggling in math? Either tutor them or find them one. Sit at the table while they finish their assignments. Model what it looks like to be confused, but to press through confusion to comprehension. There are adults who are willing to sit and mentor/coach not only our kids but us parents as well. If you do not understand an assignment, concept, or assignment reach out and find help. Even Youtube can be a great resource! Some kids will be easy to guide, others will be challenging, but all of our kids need us. They need to know that they are not stranded on a deserted island, abandoned to figure out how to create a flowchart demonstrating how to name a chemical formula from its scientific name, write an expository essay, or solve a quadratic equation alone. There is a whole team of adults, teachers, and mentors ready to help them, but first they need us. Do not be intimidated by the amount or subject of material they need to assimilate. Let them see you confused. Let them see you research solutions. Let them see you ask for help. Let them protest as you take them to a tutor. Just do not give up and let go. God gave us the responsibility to secure their parachutes, no matter how loudly they protest! [leadpages_leadbox leadbox_id=142a79846639c5] [/leadpages_leadbox] Fun: BIOLOGY STUDY OF MUSHROOMS THAT CAPTIVATES THE IMAGINATIONPrint this free homeschool mom reminder.This post comes with a free printable reminder list to help keep your heart focused on the heart of homeschooling. I always have the hardest staying focused. This printable simplifies it!Here is a sneak preview…Download Your Free PrintableDownload the checklist. You’ll get the printable, plus join 9,000+ homeschool moms who receive my weekly parenting tips and ideas!Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.Place it on your refrigerator as a helpful reminder.
Unknown says November 14, 2014 at 4:52 am I'm so thankful for this timely post! I was just having a conversation with my teen tonight about this very thing. I have started to "let go" a bit when it comes to his schoolwork and I am finding that perhaps I am giving him too much freedom. My thinking was that he needs to learn to self-manage, not be micromanaged by me. I feel like this post is giving me the encouragement I needed to hear – that it is okay to work closely with him to make sure he is staying on track. Thanks so much – I feel better already! ~Heather @ My Overflowing Cup Reply
Bekki says November 14, 2014 at 5:02 am Dear Heather, hang in there. I think our society pressures us to let our kids go when they desperately need us to be rock solid in our commitment to nurturing and equipping them. Praise the Lord that we have a God who guides us along the way! I think it is great that you want him to self-manage, but the goal needs to help our kids be successful at self managing. For some, that means we are right there every step of the way until they have mastered it. Blessings!! bekki Reply
Lisa Nelson says November 20, 2014 at 7:45 pm I don't have any teens so I don't really know what I am talking about. But I certainly do agree – judging from the way our world is heading. Everyone says a child needs their mother in the early years. True, but probably even more soon in their teen years. Reply
MrsTee says November 23, 2014 at 6:10 pm As the Mom of a College Freshman I have heard over and over that it is time to 'cut the chord' but I agree that despite being a teen my son still needs guidance and intrusion. He is not done yet and neither is my job as his parent. Great post! Reply
Gilly Cannon says November 24, 2014 at 1:43 am As the mom of 3 boys – 2 teens and a 22 yr old, I know they have benefitted from being self-reliant and having us to fall back on when necessary. The key to it all I think, is to keep the lines of communication open. That way your teens know they can ask for help because you are in an on going conversation with them, when times are good as well as when they are challenging. My boys enrich my life every day! 🙂 Reply
Liz says November 30, 2014 at 5:05 pm Oh my goodness, I love this. We have three very little girls, and the life lessons are already beginning. I can only imagine what life will bring as they move into the elementary school years, their middle school years, their teenage years and beyond. My husband and I both agreed that we stayed on the paths that we did and respected our parents as we did, because of their involvement and teaching us as we went. My dad spent hooooours(!) at the kitchen table with my sisters and I, helping us with our Math. Thank you for this ready today!! Reply
Bekki says November 30, 2014 at 5:51 pm Liz, I wrote this after helping my 10th grader understand how to create a flow chart that described how to go from a chemical formula to a compound name and then back again for different kinds of chemical formulas. I sat with him at the table until midnight, trying to understand the whole thing myself so is could explain it to him. I had to read, research, take notes and do the assignment myself so I was equipped to teach him. All I could think about was that other kids did not get this kind of help. Turned out I was right. The teacher had to spend the next class explaining the assignment and walk the rest of the class through it. Was it a waste of time. Nope. I got to model how to attack a challenging problem for and with my son. We pressed on and through and reached understanding together. It was a bonding moment:).Bless you!! Reply