The glare I gave my son was a huge clue that he was doing something wrong. He looked confused- like maybe I was the one who had a problem. I took a deep breath, counted to ten, then took another deep breath. Was it really as bad as I was making it out to be?

Walk in my shoes for a second.

Your 7-year old son is laughing. What do you think? Good or bad?

Oh, it’s not just ‘any ole laugh’, but the silent loaded kind. You can see his face turning redder by the second, his body jiggling. His eyes are squeezed shut and tears start running down his face. At any moment, that joyous sound will escape from his body. Loudly.

So what’s the problem? You are at a funeral.

How about this one.

Your 5-year old daughter is smiling at the nice gentleman in the line at the grocery store. As you talk about the weather, your daughter declares her opinion. What do you think? Good or bad? So what’s the problem? Her opinion is that the gentleman is the ugliest person she’s ever seen.

Last one.

Your kids break out into a spontaneous game of tag. Your youngest son suddenly shouts, “You’re it!” and slaps your oldest son while running away squealing in delight. What do you think? Good or bad?

Photo by Jordan Whitt

So what’s the problem? You’ve just walked out of church and there are 3 startled elderly women walking toward your family.

How do you teach your child to judge their own behavior?

This is so tricky. Kids need time and experience to learn what appropriate behavior looks and sounds like. No one is born with excellent manners and the ability to make wise choices 100% of the time. Why is it so tricky?

Because… Laughter is good.        

     Except: during church, in the middle of a test, anytime it is directed at someone in a mean way, or at funerals.

Telling the truth is good.      

     Except when it is gossip, slander, rude, selfish, and flat-out unkind.

The game of tag is good.      

     Except when you are in a no-run zone, when you are in a dangerous place, or you may cause others to trip and fall.

Teach kids to check their behavior by using the three strikes rule.

It’s sort of like baseball, except they do not need to wear a cup to play.

Three Strikes Rule: Not sure if you should do “that”? Ask yourself three easy questions!

1. Is it the appropriate behavior?
2. Is it the appropriate time?
3. Is it the appropriate place?

Remember, If you get one strike, you’re out.

Look at laughing at the funeral.

• Is laughter appropriate? Absolutely!
• Is it the appropriate time? No.
• Is it the appropriate place? Dear Lord, no.

Look at telling the truth in line at the grocery store.

• Is telling the truth appropriate? Yes, but…
• Is it the appropriate time? Yes
• Is it the appropriate place? Kill me now, no.

Did you catch the yes, but…? Truth has to be filtered through the THINK rule in order to be appropriate. (Rules are good. Even Disney has rules.)

Look at playing tag.

• Is playing tag appropriate? Yes. It’s fun; and running is really good for you.
• Is it the appropriate time? Yes. You have nothing else to do right now.
• Is it the appropriate place? Nope. See those precious elderly ladies? See how they take slow careful steps and need to use canes for balance? You can easily bump into them and send them tumbling like dominos.

The Three Strikes Rule will serve you well as you train your kids’ behavior, but it will not cure them overnight.

They are infected with childishness and are destined to laugh, speak, and play at inappropriate times.

Yes, they will embarrass you. That’s ok.

You will get your revenge during their teenage years as you embarrass them by simply breathing.

Teaching your kids the three strikes rule gives them a tool to help them evaluate what they are doing.

Is drawing appropriate? What if you are drawing on a wall? Is dancing appropriate? What if it’s in the middle of a busy parking lot? Is wearing a bathing suit appropriate? What if you are not going to the beach, but are headed to the movies?   Good behavior is trainable. Honest. Kids need to learn what’s appropriate, so do many adults.

When your kids choose to behave well, it’s like hitting the ball out of the park.

Photo by Brooke Cagle

But leave room for humanity. They will not get it right all the time. Frankly, neither will you, neither will I. When you make a mistake yourself, confess which strike should have stopped you. Because you will make mistakes. Because you will find yourself at a funeral one day and you may be the one trying to hold in a laugh.

Get your FREE “Three Strikes Rules” {printable} 

You may want to Grab a copy of “Dude, That’s Rude!” by Pamela Espeland for your kids today.