I wrote this when son number three was 12. I still have one more 12 to survive… Pray for me.
That’s right, I almost killed him.
If you just sucked in all your breath thinking, “How can she say that?” then I can tell you’ve never had a 12-year-old son, or your sweet little boys are under the age of ten.
Now, of course, I would never harm my children.
I adore them and see them as precious gifts from the Lord on High. This, however, doesn’t stop them from fighting, arguing, rolling their eyes, huffing and puffing, backtalking, second-guessing, and testing the limits of my love, patience, and self-control daily.
Twelve is a funny age.
As a mom of five sons, I would testify in a court of law that nothing tests a mom more than a 12-year-old son. Nothing. I mean NOTHING.
- Do you have a hormonal 12-year-old boy (maybe 11-14)?
- Are you at your witts end with that hormonal pre-man?
- Are you looking for a way to reach his heart and pull him safely through the adolescent gauntlet that taunts him day and night?
Watch Captain America Together.
There is one scene in particular that you and your boys need to watch together.
The one where the wimpy Captain Rogers is transformed into Captain America.
Explain to your son, “this is EXACTLY what you are going through right now. You are the pre-captain, being pumped full of hormones that will transform you into being the man you are destined to be. It will hurt. It will cause pain. Not just for you but for those of us watching. But you will come through the other side.”
Mom and dad, your job is to help your son through this “gauntlet of change”.
While the hormonal gauntlet is incredibly emotional, dangerous and challenging, you can set some definite boundaries.
That’s why this clip is so great.
3 Lessons from Captain America for Your son’s Heart and Soul
~Attitude is everything.
~Don’t use excuses to cause you to compromise.
- Not when you’re scared.
- Not when you’re in pain.
- Not when sparks fly.
- yes, He is physically alone in that machine. No one can see what he going through. But he never quits.
Lessons for Mom from Captain America
Just like the woman in the scene, we moms just want the pain, confusion, and torment to stop. We cry, “STOP!”
~Choose Fear or trust
- Things explode.
- Things break.
- Accept the truth: we can’t stop the transformation. And we shouldn’t
~See the value
- This hormonal gauntlet is necessary to “fire and test” our sons.
- It is their first real chance to hold their ground, look life in the eyes, and press through pain
- Like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon, they need to do most of the work themselves. If we “help” too much, we actually cause them harm
- Realize it’s worth it.
- In the end, Captain America comes out the other side triumphantly.
- With the right mindset, so will your son.
He will go into this stage a gawky, awkward, confused, emotional pre-teen and come out the other side.
A man. A strong, resilliant, courageous, integris, dependable, responisble, valiant man.
Lessons for Dad from Captain America
~Believe in your son.
~Be close by but don’t “save” him. Let him struggle, sweat, and face his season of life. But reassure him often that he’s not alone.
~Do not give empty compliments. Show him you see and respect any and all wise choices that he makes, quietly acknowledge that you are proud of him and then move on. He needs to be seen, but not puffed up.
~Enjoy the journey with him.
Watch this. Look for your son, yourself, and your husband in the clip. Then… Watch it with your son.
Mama, don’t despair about your hormonal son.
He can make it through his transformation alive.
It may not be fun for either of you. But can make it together.
6 Practical Ways to Survive Living with a 12-year old Son
- Pray often and pray hard.
- Trust the Lord.
- If you are married, trust your husband’s instincts in regards to your son. This is not the time to coddle him. Love him, yes. Coddle him? NO
- Work that boy! Make sure he sweats daily. Forget what society says and hand that boy a shovel. If you do not have a yard big enough to keep him busy, lend him out to the neighbors or your local nursing home. (Obviously use discretion, but someone always needs help in their yard. Who knows? Maybe he’ll earn a few dollars as well)
- Give him purpose. He needs jobs to run and lead. Boys need to know they make a difference.